Happy 3-year houseversary! As we celebrate 3 years of DIY fun, we’re reminiscing and thinking of all the homes we almost got. If you came here wondering why your house isn’t selling, don’t worry – almost everything on this list is fixable!
29 Reasons Why I Didn’t Buy Your House
1. You highlighted the house’s storage problems
Need some ideas for that small pantry?
2. Your hot tub was gross and moldy
The summer home of the Creature From the Black Lagoon
3. Speaking of mold, you left a couple of mold-filled fridges in the garage
4. You left your chamber pot in plain sight
Michael Jordan says, “Clean your room”
5. Your garage was packed with clutter
The corpse says “Boo”
6. You hung a “DO NOT FLUSH” sign on your toilet… and the oven, and the sink (thanks for the warning, I think…)
Warning: Do not attempt to use house
7. You showed me your woodworking and carpentry skills
“Close” only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades
8. Your home was empty except for the abandoned car in the garage
9. You were home when I was viewing your house and it was super. awkward.
10. You wallpapered with family photos and it was super. awkward.
11. Cool World? That movie was trippy.
Hey, I have that same dustbuster!
12. Your bathroom was actually two rooms: a giant tub room and a postage-stamp sized toilet room
13. There was rust in the electrical outlets
14. You showed me your grandchild’s depiction of your vices
Sometimes Stinky has his Scotch on the rocks, and sometimes he doesn’t.
15. You unsuccessfully tried to cover a hole in the floor with an electronic keyboard
It’s a portal through time: next stop, the 1970s
16. Your roof had enough leaves, pine needles, and branches on it to build another tree
17. You left your remodel half finished without enough supplies to finish the job
I never finish anyth
18. Your house reeked of cat litter
19. There was a giant hole in the garage ceiling that you couldn’t explain
20. You let me see where “The Incident” happened
We miss you, Grandpa
21. You didn’t get a building permit for that otherwise very nice looking basement addition
22. Your light fixtures were dangling from makeshift chains
23. You showed me your DIY electrical skills
Look at that gorgeous granite countertop!
24. There was a door locked from the inside
25. Dirty clothing hung from every piece of furniture and blanketed the floor
26. You didn’t tear out the 80’s when you had the chance
Set the VCR for Miami Vice!
27. You showed off evidence of water damage
Thanks for your honesty, most people just cover this sort of thing with an appliance
28. You countered our at-list offer with a $25k increase (that’s not how it works)
29. Your walls look like a circus tent crashed into an orchestra… oh wait, I did buy this house! :)
A gallon of Kilz fixed this right up
Pretty crazy, huh? Nearly all of these come with an implied “… and you didn’t lower your list price accordingly.”
At the right price, most of these are forgivable or heck, welcomed – we were specifically looking for a property in need of repair. These sellers either left money on the table or frustrated themselves trying to sell a needy house at an unreasonable price.